You Shouldn’t Be A Blogger If…

I see people blogging all the time about how blogs are doing great, or dying. All of these posts are, frankly, stupid.  They deal with a symptom and not the cause. Then the other kind of posts you see is “How to be a good blogger”, which is more vomit spewed onto a keyboard and words magically appear. Often I read these blogs and wonder how so many don’t have the common sense to just know these things. Reply to comments? Are we really that oblivious?

The reality to all these silly motivational “You Can Do it!” posts and questions about the life or death of blogs can be answered very simply – Not everyone is suited to be a blogger. Oh quiet Zach, don’t be such a wet blanket. Too bad. The reality is many people start a blog for the wrong reasons. People considering a blog will find all sorts of cheerleading online, but they don’t find the real answers — do they have what it takes to be a ‘good’ (and I know that’s subjective to every person, but believe me, I know what’s good and what’s bad,) blogger. (Exception: Doing it not to really have a blog, but just to rank higher in search engines.)

1. You have no opinions.

Most bloggers should instantly disqualify themselves from blogging on this point alone. I see way too many people writing blog posts with no opinion. A blog is inherently self-centered, if you have the balls to think that people are going to care about what you have to say then you better say something! If you are afraid to say I like X and dislike Y, just hang up your keyboard before you start.

2. You post a bunch of pictures and nothing else.

This phlog phenomenon is awful. There are almost no interesting phlogs. You’re a photographer? Tell a story! Cool picture, but what’s the point? If I decide to visit your site, keep me there by telling an interesting story about it. If you’re going to phlog because you have an iPhone and instagram… stop right now. We don’t need the nonsense.

3. You tell me about your day, every day.

Dear Blog Readers, today I woke up and took a shower. Then I had breakfast. Then I went foodshopping. Then I came home. Then I blah blah blah. The hell is this?! There are few people who live such interesting lives that they can get away with constantly writing about their day. A hooker might have an interesting blog. An assassin for hire, that would be an interesting one. You cut grass and walk dogs? If your friends are bored by it, don’t post it online.

4. You don’t write often.

Tri-monthly you post some piece of junk that’s nothing. Literally nothing. Don’t start a blog. It’s not worth it. Let’s say one day you get a genius idea that ends up as a blog post… don’t post it. Instead offer it as a guest blogger for someone else! If it’s actually good I want to read it, but your trimonthly blog is not the place for it.

5. You have no personality.

Lots of blogs are consistent, they have words (what a concept), they have good ideas…. but they are terribly boring! Stephen Hawking has a better personality than some of these bloggers! If you can’t write with any kind of ability to tell a story or keep some interest, don’t! Attention span is short, your boring blogs shorten it.

6. You repeat content that’s been blogged to death, reanimated and then blogged to death again.

Sort of ironic because this post is kind of one of those repeats… but cmon people! Atleast give us something new. When I finished writing this I Googled it to see I was repeating anything. Yes there was a couple, but most are unique. Social media experts are the worst blog fornicators pumping out garbage repeats. If the blog isn’t going to be unique, abort it!

7. Your blogs are too long and have no breaks.

Damn those blogs drive me nuts when they are 2000 words with no breaks. You type and type and type and don’t provide an image to give my brain a break! After two paragraphs I’m done… and I have more patience then the average reader!

8. You can’t write a title to save your life.

I’ll give you a real example (slightly changed so you can’t Google it)…

First Sentence: “In a short  survey I conducted, 130 girls answer a question about how many guys from Twitter they had slept with.
Blog Title: “Girls on Twitter”

Talk about not capitalizing on something actually interesting! The person who wrote the article is lucky to have caught my attention even! Make your title stand out or it slips into oblivion.

9. You don’t read my blog.

You’ve taken the time to read this post and if I know you have, I’m going to be far more likely to want to read one of yours! But, really, my blog is pretty fantastic. You should subscribe! So read others blogs and others will read yours.


There are approximately 1 billion blogs, worldwide and 450,000,000 of them are English.. If you promise not to do any of the above 9, chances are you might be a good blogger! If you question your ability to do that, then don’t start a blog. Simple.

  • Ideal Wife Giveaway

    No nonsense take on a topic that’s been done to death. May the masses heed your advice. Amen.

  • Haha thank you. Greatly appreciated.

  • Haha, let’s hope! That’s what I think was lacking in the ‘how to be a good blogger’ department… someone to set the record straight with ‘you may not be right to be a blogger!’ :)

    Thank you Lauren!

  • Loved this! So true – I’m so guilty of point 4. 

  • Lauren

    Great post! After this one, I don’t think there needs to ever be another one of these types or articles again!

  • i read your blog! therefore i am excused for any of the previous offences.

  • Haha, you don’t violate a lot of these… but yes you read me, and that is the most important one ;)

  • I feel violated.

  • Haha violated huh?

  • Haha violated huh?

  • Haha violated huh?

  • Haha violated huh?

  • Haha violated huh?