Dating 101… errr 75

Often people wonder what the secret to a good marriage is, or how to be successful with girls, or how to make your relationship easier. There’s books offering advice, magazines, therapists, movies, call in shows, Ann Landers and a million other sources. Let’s be honest though… half of the people writing these articles or offering the advice are single, in new relationships or just people giving their common sense ideas.

The people we should really be looking to is the old people. No they aren’t elderly, they aren’t “geriatrics”, they aren’t “Aged to Perfection” or any other such nonsense… They are old people. These old people had the fortune of not having to deal with “It’s Complicated” on Facebook or Ashley Madison interfering in their relationships. While their advice might be out of date in terms of today’s technology (and social standards), it’s their advice that should be taken as the golden standard in making a relationship work.

With that being said… I spoke to 75 year old Tony who’s been married for almost 50 years. We talked for a long time about dating, relationships, marriage and… yes… sex. So without wasting any of your time… let’s get into his advice on a variety of things. Uncensored.Remember, he’s from a different generation so don’t be offended by some old school ideas he brought up. It’s his opinion. Let’s leave it at that!

On Girls Today
The girls today… ahh… they’re beautiful. Toronto and Canada have no shortage of beautiful girls oh my god Zach let me tell you. I sit on my front porch and the girls 18, 19, 20, 25, 30, my god they are beautiful. Skirts. When I was growing up and dating and got married the skirts weren’t skirts. They were like dresses. Dresses you only see at a fucking wedding! Now the girls they know they are beautiful and they like to show off their legs and asses and their chests… they are lucky I am not a young man anymore because I would seduce every one of them. Now my wife can’t wear skirts, well she doesn’t in public.

On Guys Today
The boys today they are maybe all gay? These girls are beautiful and the guys have no interest in them. They are afraid to look, afraid to touch, afraid to say hello. What’s the fucking problem with saying hello? When I was younger I used to wear a double breasted jacket because whenever I’d see a girl I’d get a… attraction to them. And I’d be a little embarrassed. But the boys they are afraid to be men. You, you’re a handsome guy, but these one’s with the hair in colours and shaving parts of the head or wearing purple.. these… these aren’t men.

On Dating Advice for Guys
Be a man! You have to be the man. When I first dated a girl I was I think 17, and I was nervous and didn’t touch her and she asked me one day “Tony, does your thing not like girls?” She thought I was a queer because I did not touch her in any way. Not a hand on her shoulder or hand. But I learned. Today the boys they don’t touch, they like me are nervous but they don’t learn. You have to be a bit aggressive. Don’t be afraid to be a little rough. Not hit her rough, but grab her hand, pull her to you. You have to be in control. The girls some say they don’t like this. My son’s wife says she doesn’t, but she does. My son tells me she likes him to be in control.

On Relationships

The sex is important. The first girl I dated when I came to Canada she was the best at sex. She did all I liked. Licking and biting and pulling and pushing and everything. Ahh she was great. She had beautiful breasts too. She has to want to do things to you that you like, if she doesn’t you got to find a girl that will. With relationship, it’s a lot of talk for her and a lot of do for you. You have to talk with her and she has to talk with you. You have to do stuff for her and she has to do stuff for you. Not always doing sweetie things like flowers, it’s boring. Just enjoy each other.

Fighting is like bills, you have them but you get rid of them. When a fight is over it’s over. My wife she tries to bring old fights sometimes but I tell her “Sarah, that’s old and done” and she respects me and agrees and we have the fight about the current fight and nothing about the past. It’s best this way. If she does not respect you she will keep at it and you should leave her if she does this lots.

You don’t always have to be together or even be nice all the time. Sarah, she is old and walking for a long time hurts her ankles. So I tell her not to walk for a long time and she does it anyway. So she complains about how sore her ankles are and I tell her “You deserve it. It’s your own fault. I do not want to hear about it because you knew it would happen.” For me, I fell from a ladder and hurt myself and told her and that was it. I didn’t complain. Yes it hurt, but it was my fault. Today, a boy falls and hurts his knee so it bleeds and cries about the pain. He doesn’t act like a man. The boys now are fragile and dancing like fairies around flowers and rainbows. They hurt easy. They complain about wrists sore from working on a computer, when I was young hurting your wrists meant you put some ice on them and sometimes wrapped them up. But you got them from chopping a tree into firewood. Or building a house from bricks. Pain is good sometimes.

On A Successful Marriage
It’s easy. We talk and do things together and don’t let anything change my love for her if it’s not needing to. If she has sex with the neighbour, she will not be my wife and I will toss her out of my house. If I do this, I will leave her house.

She cooks the food and does the laundry. These are not men things to do. You would never see a woman on a roof fixing it even today with the strong girls, but if a man is there, he will go. Yes men and women are more equal than when I was younger, but it does not mean it’s bad for my wife to do women things and me to do men things. I care for our food garden and she cares for the flowers. This is not sexism, this is what’s best for our bodies. Men are able to get hurt falling from a roof and take the pain. Women are able to get burned cooking and take the pain. They are different. Mens bodies are hard. Girls bodies are soft. So my wife, she cooks, she cleans and does the laundry and when I want sex, she is there to pleasure me.

I support her in things she does. She goes to church, I do not, but I will drive her. I like to fix watch the TV, she does not, but she will sit beside me, or bring me a drink and sandwich. It works because we both do things for each other.

Do I help her cook? I help by bringing the food from downstairs up to her. I bring in foods from the garden. But do I sit there with a knife and cut? No. Again these are women things. Women do not sweat like men. Men in hot kitchens sweat and get the sweat in the food. Women do not sweat like men. It is safer. See the women get upset sometimes because they are equal, but even Sarah will agree that women are better at it. Doing it does not make them inequal, it makes that they are better at things then men. This is best for a marriage to work.

Sarah, she worked too. She was a nurse. She would work all day and get home at 5. I would get home at 6. She would have dinner ready for me and the boys and the boys would help clear the dishes. That’s kids work to do the dishes. See this again is good. Kids have small hands so better to clean glasses and jars.

Just be happy. If you are not happy, you should not be together. Respecting of each other too. Do things together, do things alone.

Talk again. And again and again. She likes to talk and so you must talk too. And routines. If you mow the lawn on Thursdays, always mow the lawn on Thursdays. If you need to fix something, do it as soon as you can. Not tomorrow, not after this, do it when it breaks. Once the plumbing is broken in the kitchen while my wife cooks, I went and fixed right away and then she continues to cook. But it was fixed.

On Sex
Sex is fun. As you know Zach, we need relief often and the girls not as often. It’s the wife who should do this for you whether her hand or mouth or between her legs. If the sex is not fun or she doesn’t help you enough then it’s to talk first and if she doesn’t change to leave her. Atleast once a week  or twice when we were younger. Now we do sex once a month or two, but sometimes I want it more and she agrees to it because I’m her husband and she loves me. There are no days for sex, just whenever one of us feels like we need it. A man has always been sexed up. For all our evolution sex for pleasure is key. When we were the hunters, we would celebrate by our wives having sex with us. Today is the same. If we feel good and want it, it should happen.

There you have it folks… relationships, dating, sex and more from a 75 year old man who’s been married happily for 50 years. Sarah was there and didn’t say much the whole time, just nodding and agreeing most of the time. The one thing I really got from it is that they don’t fight over small things. They don’t argue over anything. They just seem to lovingly enjoy each others company. And even when there is a fight, they deal with that issue, solve it and move on. As he said, they don’t bring back old issues once they’ve been resolved.

They grew together under traditional roles of man and woman which definitely don’t apply nearly as easily as he was suggesting they could. For example, I enjoy cooking. But I understood his point. The rolls were defined. If the couple started their relationship with one person who does the cooking, it sticks… if one person does the laundry that sticks. If one does the kids lunches, that sticks. There isn’t much deviation from the roles once they’ve been defined.

If you watch those ‘save our marriage’ kind of shows, it’s always a lot of confusion “Well he cooks on every second Tuesday and every Thursdays…” and “She picks up the kids on Monday and Wednesdays, and I do it on…” I get the idea of being flexible, but maybe Tony’s on to something about ‘roles’.

What are your thoughts?